Here’s an Idea: How to stop overreacting
This is my new series, exploring different questions and ideas I’ve thought of over the past few weeks, where I try to dissect and find answers that could help me think and act better. Click here to see my previous idea!
I had a conversation with a friend about how quickly everyone is to overreact and take immediate action nowadays. He argued how there’s such fear-mongering and an over-focused on initial information given — which barely often is accurate and true. It was hard to argue with his reasoning, but overreacting is something we’ve done for thousands of years, and nowadays is just learned behavior.
The overreaction formula
We can look at the Salem Witch trials all the way to the internment camps following the Pearl Harbor attacks. I believe the uncertainty of not knowing leads to the fear of “what-if”. For example, we can take the simplest example of renting a car. You have a number in your head for how much to spend, but as you pick up the car, you consider the possibility of “bad drivers”, break-ins, and other liabilities that would cost you way more versus just getting a few insurance policies. All of a sudden, that number you had in your head is overridden by your fear of the unknown. Perhaps you want to avoid unnecessary paperwork or the hassle of dealing with an incident, but the worst possible outcomes you’ve formed in your head have led to this reaction. You’ve spent hundreds of dollars more but you’ll just simply justify it.
Does this formula of clear-headed thinking meeting uncertainty and fear, then leading to an overreaction and followed by justification sound familiar? That’s because it’s been the game plan since the beginning of time.
We’ve all heard about the story of Adam and Eve getting punished by Eden because they ate the forbidden fruit. Let’s examine god’s actions of banishing them. You can argue that he told them not to eat the fruit, but when has telling a person to not do something prevents that action from happening? You can also argue that God could’ve put up a fence around that tree or not even have that tree there in the first place. Perhaps move it out of reach. But ultimately, I think he should’ve heard them out and had a conversation instead of just making a rushed decision of exile. Perhaps now that Adam and Eve are “aware”, it would be the perfect time to educate and answer any other questions they may have. Imagine if your mom kicked you out of the house for not defrosting the chicken.
How to get out of this cycle
The question is now: how do I get rid of uncertainty? You only act when you don’t know something, and it’s worst when you start projecting your fears onto that uncertainty. Let’s take one of the biggest examples of racial discrimination through uncertainty and fear: Japanese Internment camps1.
Here’s a brief description of what happened:
On December 7, 1941, just hours after the bombing of Pearl Harbor, the FBI rounded-up 1,291 Japanese American community and religious leaders, arresting them without evidence and freezing their assets.
In January, the arrestees were transferred to prison camps in Montana, New Mexico and North Dakota, many unable to inform their families and most remaining for the duration of the war.
Concurrently, the FBI searched the private homes of thousands of Japanese American residents on the West Coast, seizing items considered contraband.
One-third of Hawaii’s population was of Japanese descent. In a panic, some politicians called for their mass incarceration. Japanese-owned fishing boats were impounded.
Some Japanese American residents were arrested and 1,500 people — one percent of the Japanese population in Hawaii — were sent to prison camps on the U.S. mainland.
To subject innocent people to such heinous and villainous actions was just the start of it. We will also justify our actions through any means necessary. Even though they were “American citizens”, it was not seen like that for many others.
Lt. General John L. DeWitt, leader of the Western Defense Command, believed that the civilian population needed to be taken control of to prevent a repeat of Pearl Harbor.
To argue his case, DeWitt prepared a report filled with known falsehoods, such as examples of sabotage that were later revealed to be the result of cattle damaging power lines.
Even though we talk of the holocaust as an event that should never happen, it was not soon after that we’ve repeated similar actions.
DeWitt suggested the creation of the military zones and Japanese detainment to Secretary of War Henry Stimson and Attorney General Francis Biddle. His original plan included Italians and Germans, though the idea of rounding-up Americans of European descent was not as popular.
At Congressional hearings in February 1942, a majority of the testimonies, including those from California Governor Culbert L. Olson and State Attorney General Earl Warren, declared that all Japanese should be removed.
Biddle pleaded with the president that mass incarceration of citizens was not required, preferring smaller, more targeted security measures. Regardless, Roosevelt signed the order.
Through fears that another attack would happen, they generalized all Japanese people to be the same as those that attacked American soil. We do this too on a smaller scale through the fundamental attribution error. That one thing a person does encapsulates who they are as a person. Imagine if talking with someone and they seemed rude, and our quick evaluation of them as someone who’s like this all the time. What if they’ve been in a car accident or if they’ve lost someone dear to them?
Point is, we shouldn’t be so quick to judge or take action without considering other possibilities. When’s the last time we made a great decision in a hurry? Almost never, and even when we did make a good choice, there usually would’ve been a better one if we took our time.
Another area to consider is to wait. Yes, simply exercise patience until you can collect more information or when it comes in. This served John F. Kennedy very well when it came to the Cuban Missile Crisis. If he had rushed and acted upon uncertainty and fear, it would’ve led to unspeakable death and damage. The first report is usually not the best report. It’s like when the principal calls and tells you your child got into a fight. Instead of getting angry at your kid or the other kid for starting it, ask for more information or wait to see how it unfolded. That way you can fairly assess the situation with a calm demeanor instead of unreasonably punishing your child or berating the other kid.
Perhaps the hardest skill to attain is the ability to recognize that your prejudices and irrationality are kicking in and we need to step back. Which isn’t easy because emotions can exponentially kick in at any second. Training ourselves to see that we are beginning to act in a rush or to make unnecessary actions is a start. It’s easier to contain a spark than a wildfire. One of the ways that have helped me is to verbally say it out loud so that the recognition is apparent. If I’m getting annoyed, I will tell the other person that I need some space or time because if I don’t, it’ll lead to saying or doing something I’ll regret. This is especially helpful with my partner. It registers in my brain that if I let this continue, it won’t end well.
In combination with this verbal gesture, I will also remove myself from the environment. If I can remove the stimuli that are making me react, I can regain my composure and assess the situation better. Sometimes, the stimuli (or person) can’t be moved so you must move. Take the example of getting allergies in a room, if you don’t move, prepare to get those allergy attacks.
Not easy at all
A blog post about a few tips won’t help with overreacting, just as reading about writing won’t make you a drastically better writer. But asking a few questions and answering them will allow you to step back and figure out the right pathway. It starts with a verbal commitment and since they’re your word, you’re more likely to stick with it. There are various methods to practice; writing it down, asking a friend to hold you accountable, practicing with situations that don’t mean as much, discussing it with others, etc. what matters is to just start.
In many ways, this article is for me because I often catch myself in these cycles of overreacting and pay for it almost immediately or feel the impact of it long-term. By writing it out, I’ve anchored my position as someone that doesn’t overreact. If I were to divert, I’d be a hypocrite and that’s a label I never want to be associated with.
Keeping your nerves is just another valuable skill in a world where everything and everyone wants to let their emotions escalate. Everything you watch or the interactions you come across will test your resolve and “force” you to react. Don’t let it. It’s a good reminder that even though you can’t control the ocean and the winds, you are still the captain of your ship. You can still control what you can control, and that’s the difference-maker in many ways.
Until next week,
Scott
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